Mario Kart 64 is one of the first video games I ever played. My Dad owns a Nintendo 64, and would let my younger brother and I play it a ton when we were kids. Over time, we got more controllers, more N64 games, and eventually new systems, but one game that never completely went away was Mario Kart 64. The racing game was one of the first to feature four player co-op, which made it a joy to play as a family. Couple that with the chaotic battle mode and enticing 3D graphics (a first for Mario Kart at the time) and this was just such a fun game to keep coming back to.
Nowadays, it’s relatively easy to play Mario Kart 64. As long as you have a Nintendo Switch with the Nintendo Switch Online expansion pack service, you get it as part of the Nintendo 64 application that you can download on the Nintendo eShop. With Wave 5 of the Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Booster Course DLC about to release, I thought it would be fun to take a trip back in time to experience the polygon-heavy tracks of Mario Kart 64. There’s only 16, a far cry from what will be 96 at the end of 8 Deluxe’s DLC. It’s got some good ones, and it’s got some lackluster ones, but all of them can be considered fun—to a certain degree.
Wario Stadium - Star Cup
Well, except Wario Stadium. It’s long. It’s boring. It’s tedious. There’s a couple fun turns throughout I suppose, but the weird jumps and bumps immediately ruin any drift you’re about to pull off. Wario Stadium’s whole drab, brown aesthetic is miles away from anything I’d consider “fun.” Also, the Wario picture copy-pasted on the walls throughout the entire course is downright off putting and creepy. When people talk about eerie uncanny N64 games, I’m surprised this wallpaper doesn’t make it into the conversation more. Wario Stadium is easily my least favorite track in the game, and one of the worst in the series. I always groan when I play it.
Banshee Boardwalk - Special Cup
I’ve always liked the idea of ghost-themed tracks, but Banshee Boardwalk is just too bland and difficult to traverse. I find myself falling of the sides without guardrails more than any other track. Also, depending on you lighting, it can be very difficult to see the track. This is because of the dark black sky and water below. The track gets points for the giant fish jumping over you and the weird castle though. I’ve always found the red arrow telling you where to go looked a bit like blood. With the bats flying at you a bit after, it almost seems like a vampire could live there. Perhaps a remake in the future could expand on this idea a bit.
Toad’s Turnpike - Flower Cup
This one is tough for me to enjoy. The vehicles all over the place make it much harder to navigate than your average traffic course. I just find myself getting so frustrated whenever I try to drift and end up hitting a car. I feel like I’m actually decent at drifting in Mario Kart 64, but it’s just almost impossible on Toad’s Turnpike. Also, only having the item boxes on the side could add a bit of strategy, but instead they just feel like an afterthought that’s not worth careening over to the side for.
Luigi Raceway - Mushroom Cup
The first course of the game (if you start with the Mushroom Cup) is the definition of boring, but that doesn’t exactly make it bad. The somewhat figure 8 shaped track serves as a fine intro for newcomers to the game. There’s not a ton of detail, but there is a brick tunnel about halfway through that is the definition of iconic. I always thought it was so strange that the front of the tunnel has a monitor that displays footage of exactly where you are during the race, AKA entering the tunnel. It’s such a bizarre choice, as you’d think it would be better for the racers to see what’s happening elsewhere on the track. At least I would. Otherwise, this is just your standard speedway track.
Frappe Snowland - Flower Cup
Snow courses are never my favorite, but Frappe Snowland is alright. There’s not a lot going on, but the exploding snowmen can be fun to dodge and I like the look of the weird trench at the end. It’s another uncanny valley part of Mario Kart. 64, except this time I actually like it. The only downside to this track is I always end up swerving off the road and into the snowbanks due to how sharp some of the turns are.
Kalimari Desert - Mushroom Cup
Kalimari Desert is a track that I want to love, but just can’t. The train circling near the track is a fun idea, but it always stresses me out how you have to slow down or stop completely while it’s passing by. It really kills the momentum. The idea that you can drive on the track is neat as well, but I can never seem to use it as a shortcut and skip sections of the track in any meaningful way. Also, while the mesas of the desert might look okay, there is little to nothing of substance for background details. Sure, there’s not a lot in many Mario Kart 64 tracks to begin with, but because it’s a desert it feels even more vapid. It’s hard to enjoy this one, especially with it’s remake in Mario Kart 8 being such an upgrade.
Sherbet Land - Star Cup
Ice courses can be annoying due to their slippery track, but I don’t mind Sherbet Land. Sure, the Wii remake is technically better with it’s secret trick ramp, but sliding around corners trying to jump over gaps in the track is always fun. The cave is also a nice touch, and the penguins, while annoying to run into, are pretty cute and make the “honk” noise from Super Mario 64. That’s a nice touch.
Rainbow Road - Special Cup
Most people know what N64 Rainbow Road is all about. It’s a long, drawn out final track that takes by far the most time out of any track to complete. Unfortunately, the track was made significantly shorter and less appealing in the remake on Mario Kart 8. However, the original was a slog of a track that tested racers’ endurance. There’s not much going on during the race, other than some fireworks in the background and the occasional chain chomp trying to eat you, but it’s still one of the most memorable tracks in the game.
Moo Moo Farm - Mushroom Cup
While not quite as exciting as it’s successor, Moo Moo Meadows on the Wii, Moo Moo Farm has a lot of it’s own identity that can’t really be compared to any other Mario Kart 64 track. The trip around the farm finds you circling on a dirt pathway under bridges and past troublesome gophers. The track does have a bit of an uncanny valley issue though, with it’s weird cow models that don’t move and endless grass void that doesn’t have a whole lot going on. Also, what kind of company is Luigi’s???
Yoshi Valley - Special Cup
This is as close as Mario Kart 64 gets to a gimmick track. I like the idea of having multiple paths to choose when racing, but I always find myself choosing the same one over and over. It just seems like there’s only a handful of paths that are worth driving on, and the rest are too long. I feel like it defeats the purpose of having multiple paths if there’s only a couple good ones. Still, the track does have a lot of character and is far more memorable due to the gimmick, at least. That egg at the end really is annoying though.
Mario Raceway - Flower Cup
Overall, I think the raceway tracks in Mario Kart 64 are much more enjoyable than other similar tracks in it’s successors. I think it’s because on a game like Mario Kart 64, which is relatively barren compared to older entries, racing on something that resembles a normal race track can be more enjoyable and fitting. I don’t have any evidence to back this up, it’s just my opinion. There’s a lot of fun turns to pull off in this one, as well as some cool set pieces. I’ll always love the giant mushroom and the warp pipe.
Choco Mountain - Flower Cup
Have you ever loved a Mario Kart track but hav eno idea why? That’s me with Choco Mountain. There’s really not much going on besides a ton of brown textures and some falling rocks. Still, the track design is pretty cool. The part where you can fall off can be frustrating, but I think it adds a good amount of peril to the track. Also, the hills feel much more natural and fun than something like Wario Stadium.
Koopa Troopa Beach - Mushroom Cup
This is one of the better beach courses in the series. Koopa Troopa Beach always surprises me when I remember it’s in the Mushroom Cup. For a “beginner” track, it sure does throw a lot of hazards and variables at the player. Right off the bat, there’s a giant koopa-shaped rock that acts as a divider between two paths. Sure, these paths don’t really yield much of a difference, but the option of choice is exciting for a first cup race. As the track progresses, racers can run into palm trees, rocks, water and crabs that all slow them down. Meanwhile, there’s an option to drive further into the rising tide which can either help or hurt depending on how deep you go. Best of all, there are various ramps that, with a boost of speed from a mushroom, can open various shortcuts—one of which allows players to pass through a waterfall and skip a good chunk of the course. This was always one of my favorite shortcuts as a kid, and continues to be one of the best in the series.
D.K.’s Jungle Parkway - Special Cup
I feel like Donkey Kong always has consistently good tracks. Something about racing through a jungle setting is just so thrilling. Right off the bat you’re greeted witha. massive jump over a river. You can sometimes see a riverboat sailing past, and I always wanted to try to jump onto it when I was a kid. There’s tons of winding turns, only occasionally bogged down by weird rocks that get thrown at your kart if you go off course. There’s also a great short cut to pull off towards the end, as long as you have a mushroom.
Royal Raceway - Star Cup
This is just a wonderfully simple raceway track with some of the best turns in the game, a gigantic boost pad jump, and the best easter egg of any Mario Kart track: Peach’s Castle. That’s right, you can drive off the track and up to the castle, which looks just like it did in Super Mario 64. There might technically tracks than Royal Raceway, but I think it’s the quintessential track to represent Mario Kart 64. If I was in charge of a new Switch port for this game (yes, I know that wouldn’t make any sense) I would be sure to show off all the karts racing on Royal Raceway.
Bowser’s Castle - Star Cup
Perhaps still the best Bowser's Castle track in the series, this is my number one pick for the game due to it’s iconic and diverse layout. There’s so many difficult and exciting sections, and driving through it truly feels like an adventure. Nowadays it’s easy to take for granted all the wild drivable terrain in the Mario Kart series, but back when this game came out, driving through the entirety of a castle was so unique. Cruising through the garden at the beginning, across a drawbridge over lava, and down an entire set of stairs are just a few of the traversable areas in the track. It was, and still is, brilliant
That’s my ranking of the Mario Kart 64 tracks. Feel free to let me know how you’d rank them!
And now it’s time for…
Andrew Other Stuff Blog
Where I share non-video game things that captured my attention this week. Except when I feel like adding other video games. Because It’s MY newsletter.
Blue Beetle is the first foray into James Gunn’s DC Universe. Sure, it wasn’t originally part of his vision for the new series, but it’s a heartfelt movie and I think it’ll fit in well. I’d suggest checking it out in theaters.
I’m considering making YouTube videos again after a long break, and I’d like to do some gaming retrospectives. I got this capture card from NZXT, and so far it works like a charm.
Speaking of gaming retrospectives, this one about the Star Fox series by wizawhat is fantastic.
I’m through two seasons of Derry Girls and currently watching the third. It’s a lighthearted comedy that’s not afraid to cut deep at times.
Arch-Conspirator by Veronica Roth: a novella I’m currently reading. I’m a pretty slow reader when it comes to books, so something shorter like this is great. It can get pretty heavy though.
Nothing Much Happens is the podcast that helps me sleep every night. If I ever have to give an award acceptance speech, I’m thanking Kathryn Nicolai.
Later! - Andrew